Project talk:Submissions/Trinh Dong

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So you're Bonaquack. I was wondering who you are 'cause "trinhdong_0629@outlook.com" shows no results on google. If you get 504 or 502 error, come to our IRC channel and bug Kuzu/Cloud668/Tomo or whatever nick he's using.

A wondering heart found its Key. --> TD: wander, not wonder.

gendre ---> ??????????? TD: I remember corrected that.

ultilized ----> TD: ??????????????????? again. A new word? {that's why I say it's engrish}

...Well, I don't think it is strange {nope, a kind of people is clearly not "điều đó", even in vietnamese}, ----> TD: but "the fact that "s/o is a kind of peope"" can be shortened "điều đó"

...now came back, as pure as pearl {pearl is pure?}, ---> TD: sorry, i forgot the word "gem"...Err...Is "pearl" not pure? https://www.google.com/search?q=pearl&hl=en&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ei=yuxaUYmzComNkwWcnYGACw&ved=0CAoQ_AUoAQ&biw=1366&bih=631

...silently sacrificing their everything for children {"their only thing" doesn't give the reader any clue about what it is. so it's not their aim, what they do for the whole life? } ---> their last only one or their last one? {I always try to make the translation clearer than the original version. This time I don't get what it is; just use what you want, then.}

...The songs, the story {"storytelling" is "the activity of telling or writing stories", a completely different thing}, the art or just how the gendre itself is {"it's the genre itself" is not a noun/compound noun} makes me feel like that, everything gives me special inspiration {not sure if this makes sense in english, but "strangely gives me inspiration" isn't what the original line says}. --> this line was simply corrected base on the original draft by dreamer. btw, in my opinion, both can be used. But, well, it's quite hard to say, but I prefer to think that the writer's role is better emphasized when using "storytelling". Or must I use it in quotation mark? {hm... "the writer's storytelling"?}

...Visual novel does have that potential, the unlimited potential that has never been ultilized fully {ok. this is clearly engrish, but more correct}. --> why can you call it "correct"? would you mind explaining it to me? {"potential" doesn't act on its own; it's also not a work which has starting, on-going, finished states. Therefore, "a potential which is still at is start point" isn't right. you mean so far people has only exploited a small part of the potential, right?}

...Visual novel, even from its name, proves its true self is the combination of visual and traditional novel {why over-complicating thing while the original is simple? just "Visual novel, as the name says, is the combination of visual and traditional novel." is fine}. --> no reason. just feel like that =) {lol}

...As for a invaluable combination {I don't think this one makes sense in Vietnamese. "great" is the original word} -> choosing word is a must when you want to persuade s/o {ok}

...I happened to read an interview of Mr. nbkz from minori {he uses -sama}. He said the cost to produce visual novels was too high, and the industry was going down day by day, while there were still many people longing for giving a hands, but because of various reasons, especially financial problems, could do nothing but waiting and watching...{this part doesn't really make sense to me. maybe later.}{Trinh Dong: I mean doujin. Lots of people want to write visual novels, but they have no money. Of course, cooperation is another problem, but writing a visual novel costs a lot of time. I am writing something like that. Look below for details. Also, they have to work for their life.}{sounds like engrish to me} -> fixed.

Forget that,{"Bỏ đi" is something like もういい, English: "Forget that", "Never mind" then?} a happy day shouldn't be filled with sad stories{Trinh Dong: litterally, On a happy day, we should not talk about sad things}.

...Congratulation, Mr. Maeda, Mr. Na-Ga, Mr. Kashida Leo, Mr. Kai and all staffs of the project {he uses -sama}.

...I hope you will continue to create wonderful stories that even famous sensei like Azuma Hiroki-sama praises.{i dunno about this information}{Trinh Dong: I wonder why Mr dreamer used the word sensei here, it's, well, right, but why there is a Japanese word here. About the info: take a look at this article: http://center.vnkeyfanclub.com/blog/image-ben-trong-all-about-visual-arts-va20-nen-no-kiseki-thong-bao-visual-novel-angel-beats/#more-1409 } {i dunno about Azuma Hiroki, so sensei for the lulz} -> google is your friend.

...It's small {not big is small. again, i prefer simple. japanese uses the word "small" when giving presents anyway}, but it is the crystal of all the inspiration Key has been giving me for years {it sounds quite big}. -> i happen to love using negative form.

...Hope he will read it. It will be a magic if all these can happen.{this sentence doesn't make sense even in vietnamese. saying that he would read it is a magic is just like saying the chance he would read it is nearly zero} -> yeah. it is nearly zero. Ah sorry. I used wordplay here. So I changed magic to miracle.


{dreamer writes notes in brackets}{vietnamese is somewhat similar to chinese, past/present is not always clear. just use whatever you think appropriate} {2013 Apr 1: Trinh Dong's first check is now done. I changed some of my words to make it more fluent, add a wordplay (the last "Key"). My note is marked with a "Trinh Dong" or "Trinh Dong's note" at the beginning. Sorry for being lazy. Minata-san said additional lang. is accepted. So I just thought that my letter can be directly translated into Jap.){additional is ADDITIONAL. english is COMPULSORY} (To dreamer: LOL. I don't think I can meet you guy here. Why don't die with your PC, huh? =)))} {Trinh Dong's note: "Ý tại ngôn ngoại" litterally means "Few words contain many things", a proverb has the same meaning as Ernest Hemingway's "Iceberg Theory}

{please close all brackets. unclosed bracket will break the editor}

{this is your letter, so I won't modify it, but please keep in mind that your letter requires a pretty liberal translation. a purely literal V-E translation won't make sense.} -> Except some proverbs, idioms, and wordplays, all can be translated without change. Of course, it depends on your English level. My level is still not match. {maybe i'll bug someone to edit this into more proper english}

Wall of text above

(´・ω・`)Cloud668 (talk) 01:50, 7 April 2013 (UTC)

They need to add a colon after each paragraph, lol --Minata Hatsune (talk) 06:00, 15 April 2013 (UTC)

why is colon neeeded? Bonaquack

Contents

Thread titleRepliesLast modified
Submission length116:48, 30 June 2013

Submission length

Is there anyway this submission can be shortened up a bit? It's way too long and too much to translate into Japanese right now. Thanks.

Cloud668 (talk)09:21, 9 June 2013

I'll start translating it, need a few days.

Minata Hatsune (talk)16:48, 30 June 2013